8th Grader Suspended for Thinking Nirvana is a Clothing Brand

-This is clearly just a joke… but it’s a good one.

The official Twitter account of Yeshiva Har Torah, a Modern Orthodox elementary school in Queens, NY, has issued the following announcement:

“School Dress Code Update: Students cannot wear clothing with the name of any musician or band unless the student can name at least three of their songs.

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“The 8th grader who said ‘I thought Nirvana was a clothing brand,’ last week has been suspended indefinitely.

“We recognize this incident has proven upsetting to some members of the Gen X community. We will be gathering to heal together. All are welcome to bring a flannel shirt, Dr. Martens, a yellow Discman with minimum 30 seconds of skip protection, and an all around dour demeanor.”

-It was the bit about the yellow Discman that really got me (you’re either the right age where that joke seems meaningful or you’re not), but this is just some good satire all-around. I mean, it doesn’t seem at all far-fetched that an eighth grader would assume Nirvana is a clothing brand. And, in a manner of speaking, well… it is now, isn’t it?

In semi-related news, Nirvana are currently being sued by the baby from the cover of Nevermind. That, unfortunately, is not satire.

School Dress Code Update: Students cannot wear clothing with the name of any musician or band unless the student can name at least three of their songs.

— Yeshiva Har Torah (@HarTorah) December 8, 2021

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